This is going to be just as gay as it sounds. In keeping with cultural cuisine, I've decided to throw a British High Tea for my cat and I. Cats love seafood out of cans, so I kept that in mind whilst coming up with this lunch recipe. Worse than being stood up by a real date, is being stood up by your own cat. I ended up eating all of the scones by myself, again. The only thing I'll say about tea is that my first job in Chicago was barista-ing in a tea shop. Tea is overrated, and so is being a barista. This party was modeled after the parties my sister and I would give for our/my dolls, except now I can use a real oven. I'm not quite sure if I know exactly what High Tea is but from that I gather, it's a lunch of snacks for rich, middle-aged women. Count me in! For all you happening, young ladies on budgets, here's a frugal way to keep your shit classy. This is also my way of backdoor bragging about my tea pot collection..pretty impressive for a twenty-three year old boy, no? Put on your big hats and satin gloves, 'cause you're cordially invited to my little tea party.
Basically British Scones
I like a dense and crunchy scone. If it doesn't completely fall apart in the little pastry bag then it's no good. I used to go to a British cafe in my hometown that had the best scones. These aren't nearly as good but they satisfied my itch. The best part about scones is that they're made of so few ingredients; flour, butter and baking powder. They're basically good for you, right?
You will need the following:
2 c self-rising flour
1/2 stick cold butter
1 tsp baking powder
1/2 tsp salt
1/4 pint milk
1 egg (slightly beaten with a little milk)
Step 1: Line a baking sheet with greased parchment. Set oven to 400.
Step 2: Sift flour. Add butter (in pieces), powder and salt. Mix throughly with hands.
Step 3: Make a large cavern in center of dough, pour in milk until pliable.
Step 4: Turn out onto a floured surface and roll out to 3/4" thickness. (I use an old wine bottle). Using a pizza cutter, cut out triangles and put on baking sheet.
Step 5: Wash tops of scones with egg mix, sprinkle with cinnamon and sugar (opt). Bake 15 min.
Serve with jam and whipped cream.
Sebastian-Stuffed Tomatoes
I used to be horribly allergic to shellfish. I used to love things like deep fried clams and oysters, but after more than a few horrible experiences, we determined I had an allergy. For some reason I've still been able to eat crab rangoons and other fake crab delicacies, which is why this turned out really similar to rangoon filling. As of recently, shellfish no longer bothers me, I hope. I love cooked crustaceans of all kinds, though I've never had a shrimp in my life, they always look so tasty in The Little Mermaid.
You will need the following:
1 (6oz) can lump crab meat
1 log goat cheese
1 egg
3 tbsp grated carrot
3 tbsp chopped green onion
3 tbsp bread crumbs
Juice of 1 lemon
2-3 tsp dry dill
6 medium tomatoes
Step 1: Set oven to 350. Line a baking sheet with greased parchment. In a large bowl, mix crab, lemon, cheese, carrot, onion, egg, dill and 2 tbsp bread crumbs.
Step 2: Hollow out tomatoes and discard innards, leaving only the shell.
Step 3: Fill tomatoes with crab slurry.
Step 4: Top tomatoes with 1 tbsp bread crumbs and a butter pat. Bake 20-25 minutes.
*Cupcake wrappers help them stay together.
