Tuesday, November 10, 2015

A Little $pecial Occasion

Every once in awhile the master of dark desires gives us a reason to dress up, like a birthday or a funeral. In this instance it was my 27th Birthday. 27 is a really special age for artistic geniuses such as myself. Janis Joplin, Jimi Hendrix, James Dean (not the porno actor) and Kurt Cobain all tragically died at this lucky number, often referred to as the "Twenty Seven Club." I one time wrote that in a birthday card to my best friend on her 27th birthday....and then she told me she had to have a biopsy on her boob. I felt like an asshole, but she ended up being fine. 

Assuming I'll probably die of an overdose this year (an overdose of 80s pop music and Halloween candy) - I figured if this is my last birthday I wanna eat the best possible thing I can think of. Hence the Lobster Mac n Cheese. About a month ago I was strolling through the grocery store and I saw lobster tails on a very good sale. Marked down seafood is probably suspect, but I had just quit my job and this seemed like the master of dark desires giving me a sign to spend what little money I had left frivolously. I looked at my half price lobster as an investment, so I stuck them in the freezer for a special occasion. 

Monday, October 26, 2015

A Spooky Little Appetizer

Well doesn't that just look like a pile of freshly raked autumn leaves? Even though the foliage is dying, fall is all about new beginnings. I just quit my terrible job and started two new ones. With my paid week off between gigs, I hosted a "house party" for the first time. This was mostly by accident. It only takes one failed party to scare even the best hostess. I've had the misfortune of a party in which nobody showed up...so for my second annual Halloween party, I over-invited people. My plus-one and I live in a pretty small place. Assuming that nobody was coming, we extended the invite to pretty much everyone we knew: old flames, dentists, doormen etc. People I thought would definitely come didn't, and people I thought wouldn't come ended up showing. So it just goes to prove - never underestimate how many people will eat your free food. We also allowed hop-on guests...which resulted in some hot gays commandeering my kitchen. In my fantasy, I would be pulling hot hors d'oeuvres from the oven all night. Instead, I ended up with a fridge full of butternut squash bruschetta. That's okay though because I got to eat it all myself without judgement from hot gays.

Wednesday, October 7, 2015

A Little Sweet Treat

Occasionally I go out of town. Unfortunately this never includes my cat. After a day or so, he probably thinks I've abandoned him and that he's an orphan. Since I adopted him from a kitten mill, he has no experience being on his own. He also lacks front claws, so without me he's pretty much screwed. Save your ethical arguments about onychectomy because I don't give a shit. If it makes you feel any better, I did it myself. He's getting life long care, the least he can do is give me the tips of his fingers. I rather like my furniture without giant scratches on it. It's 2015, you CAN have it all...a cat and nice furniture! You can also have a pet and go on short vacations without fear they'll be dead when you get home. Like childcare, pet sitters can be expensive. This is why it's important to cultivate meaningful friendships - so that you can pay a friend with pie to fill the cat's food and water. Some people are really weird about cats, so only ask someone who isn't prejudiced. Watching a cat is tantamount to watching a pet rock. It doesn't need to go out and it pretty much doesn't care when or if you come, permitting the food doesn't run out. I created this special pie for my sitter. It was gone when I got home, so I'm guessing it didn't suck. 

Thursday, September 10, 2015

The Last Supper

I get asked all the time by friends and former lovers, "why the hell haven't I been invited to one of your fancy dinner parties?" The answer is, probably because I don't like you that much and the idea of entertaining you in my house for an indefinite amount of time seems like torture. If I am fond of you, be patient - I'm probably just waiting for the right mix of people in which to include you and your spouse or mistress. Sure, it's easy to throw a dinner party together, but the nuances are what will set your soiree apart from one of those awful evenings of diminishing returns and uncomfortable racial tension. A logical guest list is imperative. You also have to consider significant others and plus-ones. There's nothing worse than a lopsided couple - you know, when you really like one member of a duo but the other one is the absolute worst....Unfortunately you have to extend the invitation to both in order to maintain healthy relationships. If you know your pal's plus-one is a total drip...balance out the guest list with one of your more out-of-control friends, so the undesirable guest(s) fade into the background. And keep everyone's cup full of booze. Except your own - drink like a pregnant woman: seltzer and lime wedges, at least until the food is served. 

My friends who have had the pleasure of dining chez Toulouse, are always saying, "is this going to be on the blog?!" Usually no. I've only got two hands and one of them is holding a martini while the other is trying not to get burned on a hot dish. I'm trying a new thing where I force my guests to take pictures and post them to their social media of choice. That way, my parties always look like lots of fun and people look forward to invites rather than dread them. This time around, I did a little documentation and luckily all these recipes have been previously featured on The Little Dinner Party.