Monday, November 17, 2014

Breaking Down a Pumpkin

In the days of the pilgrims, they must have had a lot more time on their hands to do shit like this. I'm guessing Indians didn't have to sublet their teepees. That's right. The Little Dinner Party is moving yet again, this time to a place with an actual kitchen and more than three chairs. Between showing my apartment to Loser A and Bad Credit B - I've barely had time to cook. You might say I'll be really thankful when this apartment is off my hands. 

I like pumpkin stuff, sue me. Over the years I've gone back and forth between buying the cheap can of pumpkin versus taking the time and effort to make my own. Now that I'm a busy-bee, I've been buying it canned. Does it taste different? I have no idea. One just makes you feel a bit more smug when people ask for your pumpkin pie recipe. 

Most people think the pumpkin in pie is from the goo inside. It's actually the shell, peeled and cooked. Not all pumpkins are good for this. Specifically a "pie" pumpkin is the one you should use. They are usually pretty cheap, but not as cheap as a can of pumpkin. One pie pumpkin makes about two and a half cups of puree, which can be used in any recipe. 

Monday, October 27, 2014

A Little Peasant Dinner

This doesn't count as pumpkin because it's squash. Don't get me wrong, I love autumnal cuisine, but there are other ways to cook seasonally without allspice and nutmeg. If you're like me, you're probably really lazy. Lately I've been entirely too lazy to go on a full-scale grocery run but as a person of limited means, I don't do much take out. Occasionally this means scraping the bottoms of my cabinets and figuring out which one or two things I need in order to justify a stop at Jewel for Halloween candy. In this week's episode I remembered that I had a dusty box of spaghetti in the back of my pantry, and a week-old roasted butternut squash decomposing in my fridge. It's a good day when I have an egg. The result was very elegant. All I had to add was fresh sage, bacon and cheese. A trip to Jewel under $5, well $8 if you account for the well-deserved pint of Ben & Jerry's. It takes a lot of money to eat this cheap. 

Butternut Squash Carbonara

Yes, I know it's not a true carbonara, but I don't really give a shit. Prosciutto tastes like human skin. Instead a used slightly crisped chopped bacon because this here is America damnit. I took a note from a Martha Stewart recipe I once screwed up and I started by frying the fresh sage in butter first. This resulted in more little crispy bits incorporated throughout. As you can tell I like any dish with crispy little pieces of fried things. Stay crispy this fall with butternut squash, arguably the tastiest squash. And cheap! I've got a family to feed. 

you will need the following

1 half roasted decomposing butternut squash
1 dusty half-box of spaghetti
1 where-did-this-come-from? egg
1 c when-did-I-buy parmesan cheese
3 tbsp chopped sage
2 strips crisped chopped bacon 
1/2 chopped onion
2 cloves minced garlic
2-3 tbsp butter
salt & pepper

1.) Boil spaghetti. Reserve 1 cup of pasta water.

2.) Fry chopped sage in butter until crispy. Then add squash, onion, bacon and garlic and cook until warm.

3.) Slowly add in spaghetti and mix with squash and bacon. Add slashes of hot pasta water to keep the pasta moving.

4.) Shake in cheese while stirring in 1 egg. Keep stirring over heat until egg is mixed with cheese and pasta.

Serve Immediately. 

Friday, October 17, 2014

Sunday, October 12, 2014

A Little Harvest Dinner

Put on your favorite Lululemon leggings and grab your Northface jacket because we're making pumpkin shit! It's fall again, and that means the leaves are coming down and all my Twin Peaks thrift store sweaters are coming out. Suddenly I'm terribly annoyed at all the pumpkin spice crap I keep seeing everywhere, specifically Aldi. Who needs pumpkin spice scented tampons?! The good thing is that a month from now when they put out peppermint bark scented panty liners, the pumpkin spice ones will be cheaper than even regular sanitary pads. Ladies, forgive my limited knowledge of your bathroom products. Though, I'd probably sleep with anyone if their bush smelled like cinnamon and cloves. As the author of this cooking website, I'm required by law to post at least one pumpkin recipe per Autumn. So listen up assholes because I'm only gonna write this once.