Monday, October 27, 2014

A Little Peasant Dinner


This doesn't count as pumpkin because it's squash. Don't get me wrong, I love autumnal cuisine, but there are other ways to cook seasonally without allspice and nutmeg. If you're like me, you're probably really lazy. Lately I've been entirely too lazy to go on a full-scale grocery run but as a person of limited means, I don't do much take out. Occasionally this means scraping the bottoms of my cabinets and figuring out which one or two things I need in order to justify a stop at Jewel for Halloween candy. In this week's episode I remembered that I had a dusty box of spaghetti in the back of my pantry, and a week-old roasted butternut squash decomposing in my fridge. It's a good day when I have an egg. The result was very elegant. All I had to add was fresh sage, bacon and cheese. A trip to Jewel under $5, well $8 if you account for the well-deserved pint of Ben & Jerry's. It takes a lot of money to eat this cheap. 


Butternut Squash Carbonara

Yes, I know it's not a true carbonara, but I don't really give a shit. Prosciutto tastes like human skin. Instead a used slightly crisped chopped bacon because this here is America damnit. I took a note from a Martha Stewart recipe I once screwed up and I started by frying the fresh sage in butter first. This resulted in more little crispy bits incorporated throughout. As you can tell I like any dish with crispy little pieces of fried things. Stay crispy this fall with butternut squash, arguably the tastiest squash. And cheap! I've got a family to feed. 

you will need the following

1 half roasted decomposing butternut squash
1 dusty half-box of spaghetti
1 where-did-this-come-from? egg
1 c when-did-I-buy parmesan cheese
3 tbsp chopped sage
2 strips crisped chopped bacon 
1/2 chopped onion
2 cloves minced garlic
2-3 tbsp butter
salt & pepper


1.) Boil spaghetti. Reserve 1 cup of pasta water.

2.) Fry chopped sage in butter until crispy. Then add squash, onion, bacon and garlic and cook until warm.

3.) Slowly add in spaghetti and mix with squash and bacon. Add slashes of hot pasta water to keep the pasta moving.

4.) Shake in cheese while stirring in 1 egg. Keep stirring over heat until egg is mixed with cheese and pasta.

Serve Immediately. 

Friday, October 17, 2014

Sunday, October 12, 2014

A Little Harvest Dinner


Put on your favorite Lululemon leggings and grab your Northface jacket because we're making pumpkin shit! It's fall again, and that means the leaves are coming down and all my Twin Peaks thrift store sweaters are coming out. Suddenly I'm terribly annoyed at all the pumpkin spice crap I keep seeing everywhere, specifically Aldi. Who needs pumpkin spice scented tampons?! The good thing is that a month from now when they put out peppermint bark scented panty liners, the pumpkin spice ones will be cheaper than even regular sanitary pads. Ladies, forgive my limited knowledge of your bathroom products. Though, I'd probably sleep with anyone if their bush smelled like cinnamon and cloves. As the author of this cooking website, I'm required by law to post at least one pumpkin recipe per Autumn. So listen up assholes because I'm only gonna write this once. 

Thursday, September 18, 2014

A Little Pasta Sunday


If you're reading this, it probably means you're also awake at 4:30 in the morning. In my new life as semi-professional baker for Bang Bang Pie Shop I keep the hours of a farmer. That means waking up before the rooster crows and going to sleep sometimes before the sun even sets. That being said, it beats the hell out of corporate life.  I'm on a vision quest folks, I'll see ya when I run out of peyote. The plus side is that it's really brought my cat and I closer together. In the case of yesterday morning, Baby Toulouse's never-ending appetite for crushed up pretzels and water got me out of bed on time, after I slept through my alarm. I'd say sorry for the long gap between posts, but if you're really that into my blog, your life is probably sad.