A Little Summer Skillet

Sometimes people ask me where I find the time to cook all these fabulous dishes. My secret is gainful unemployment. The past month has taught me the true meaning of Christmas: poverty and shame. The best part of this week's installment is that with the right equipment and fire-making skills, even a hobo can be culinary! Seriously though, if it weren't for my tiny kitchen I'd probably be on the floor in the fetal position singing Grease 2 numbers quietly to myself. Luckily I haven't had a night like that since last night. I'm finding that the job hunt is a lot like dating, it's a waiting game until someone comes along who can live with my apparently numerous flaws. For my unemployed guests who also have a liberal arts degree, cook with wine and start your own cooking blog, someday it might save you from having to return to sex work.

A Little Valen-Pie

Like it or not, Valentine's Day is upon us. Personally, I love it but me being obsessed with holidays is nothing new. Temperatures being what they are, there's really nothing to do but sit inside and bake or do something useful like taxes. As you can see, I choose to bake away my cares. If you're as over-the-top as I am when it comes to telling someone you love them, bake them something fancy too! As the old saying goes, the way to a man's heart is through his pie-hole unless he doesn't have a pie-hole, in which case, break up immediately. 

I've been told my life seems romantic, and while that is true, most people don't see me eating entire confections by myself while the cat tries to look away. Last Valentine's Day I embraced being single and ate an entire heart-shaped cake by myself. This year, I've got someone special to share my pie with, but I still plan on eating the entire thing myself.  

Red Wine-Poached Pear Pie

I don't know about you, but I love combining booze and baking, in fact, I won't do one without the other. I'd never had pear pie, until I made one for a family function during the darkest Christmas of my life. When none of it got eaten I didn't handle it well, so I hope nobody remembers me psychotically waving a pie server at them. The problem was that the pears didn't cook all the way through and were kinda chewy. That, and I used way too much anise extract and nobody likes black licorice except me. This time around I did some research and decided to poach them in red wine first. Turns out poaching just means boiling, or killing safari animals for their tusks and hides. Boiling the pears in wine with spices broke them down to a soft state before you bake them, so that the only thing you really need to concern yourself with is whether your crust gets golden and whether mixing wine and sedatives is bad in a lethal way. 

you will need the following: 

2 of your favorite pie crusts

4 ripe d'anjou pears (sliced)

1 1/2 c water

1 c cheap red wine 

1/4 c sugar

Juice and rind of one lemon

2 tsp vanilla extract

1 tsp anise extract (don't worry, it mostly boils out)

Cinnamon & various autumnal spices

2 tsp corn starch

Step 1: Line a pie plate with one crust. Preheat oven to 350. 

Step 2: Bring pears, water, wine, sugar, extracts and spices to boil. Allow to slow-simmer until soft. 

Step 3: Remove pears from mulled wine and set aside. Simmer wine until reduced to 3/4 cup. 

Step 4: Arrange pears in bottom crust. Pour wine syrup over pears. Adhere top crust and brush with milk. Bake pie about an hour. Allow to set-up overnight before serving.

A Little Picnic Basket

It's finally summer in Chicago, which is basically just like any other season in Chicago except that it features a few hotter-than-hell days and a bevy of new outdoor activities. And speaking of new outdoor activities, if you love embracing your faux-yuppie side as much me, you need to invest in a cheap picnic basket. I bought that little beauty at World Market (don't tell anyone). City picnic-ing may sound unsanitary but I assure you it's a really nice way to enjoy the parks, old movies and maybe some company. When packing a picnic for an outdoor activity, it's important to consider all the "oh shit" things, like blankets, wine openers, bug spray and proper cutting surfaces for your Aldi cheeses. Below I'll outline all you'll need including a biased list of Chicago Park District's Movies-in-the-Park lineup! 

Packing a proper picnic basket is pretty much like a game of Tetris. Like a good dip, it's important to layer. Put your practical items on the bottom, because they should never leave the basket. As you can see, I have trailer-trash cups, napkins, plates, and paper straws (left over from a Halloween party). Key features: wine opener, pig-shaped cheeseboard and a cheese knife. People also love plastic utensils. 

Choosing the right things to bring is pretty easy. Don't bring a whole meal, it makes everyone uncomfortable watching you eat a messy sandwich on their favorite picnic quilt. Think of the snacks people would eat during a party scene in any Nora Ephron movie: soft cheeses, fancy crackers, some kind of sweet fruit, and obviously white wine. For some reason Twizzlers are a staple for my picnic basket. I also made some pretty awesome cookies not featured here. If you are so lucky to be invited to a picnic, don't show up empty handed. At least bring a bottle of wine, it'll get consumed and appreciated. 

Movies in the Park 2013 (Northside)

Earth Girls are Easy @ Wicker Park (6/20)

Little Shop of Horrors @ Churchill Park (6/26)

Funny Girl @ Hollywood Beach (6/28)

Annie @ Chase Park (7/19)

Jurassic Park @ Wicker Park (7/25)

It Happened One Night @ Belmont Harbor (7/29)

The Sandlot @ Montrose Harbor (7/30)

Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory @ Montrose Harbor (8/12)

Young Frankenstein @ Grant Park (8/19)

The Wiz @ Oz Park (8/25)

Obviously there are way more movies in way more parks this summer, this is merely the list I curated for me and my homosexual friends. Also Chicagoans, don't forget about Millenium Park and the Ravinia in the 'burbs. Can't wait to picnic out to some David Byrne & St. Vincent!