Put on your favorite Lululemon leggings and grab your Northface jacket because we're making pumpkin shit! It's fall again, and that means the leaves are coming down and all my Twin Peaks thrift store sweaters are coming out. Suddenly I'm terribly annoyed at all the pumpkin spice crap I keep seeing everywhere, specifically Aldi. Who needs pumpkin spice scented tampons?! The good thing is that a month from now when they put out peppermint bark scented panty liners, the pumpkin spice ones will be cheaper than even regular sanitary pads. Ladies, forgive my limited knowledge of your bathroom products. Though, I'd probably sleep with anyone if their bush smelled like cinnamon and cloves. As the author of this cooking website, I'm required by law to post at least one pumpkin recipe per Autumn. So listen up assholes because I'm only gonna write this once.
Pumpkin & White Cheddar Risotto
Risotto roughly translates to 'fancy rice' in English. There comes a day in everyone's life when they get home from vacation and realize they're both poor and hungry. It's called white privilege. In any case, all I had on hand was half an old box of risotto and a bit of white cheddar, very expensive. In an act of equal parts brilliance and desperation, I cut up one of my many decorative pumpkins and ate it. It made me feel less stupid about spending so much money on decorative gourds for my studio apartment that no one visits.
you will need the following
1/2 lb cooked pumpkin (canned works too)
2 c chicken or vegetable stock
1/2 c risotto
1 c water
1/4 c whole milk
1 c shredded white cheddar
3 cloves roasted garlic
1/2 onion (finely diced)
1 tsp dried rosemary
a pinch of red pepper flakes (opt)
salt & pepper
Step 1: Start by removing the placenta, saving the seeds for toasting.
Step 2: Set oven to 350. Arrange pumpkin seeds in a single layer with salt. I added a bit of chili powder to mine because I like a kick. Quarter your small pumpkin and rub with a bit of oil. Wrap garlic cloves in foil and roast on the same pan. All can go for about 30 minutes.
Step 3: Saute onion with spices and oil in a large pot. Once cooked, pour in risotto and let it toast for a quick second before pouring in 1 cup of water. Allow to absorb and begin adding stock 1/2 c at a time.
Step 4: Once your pumpkin is cooked and mushy, pull the flesh away from the outer shell. Toss pumpkin bits into simmering risotto. Break up pumpkin with a wooden spoon until fully incorporated. Squeeze roasted garlic cloves into the mix and stir.
Step 5: Add cheese and milk when most of the stock is absorbed. Keep stirring. It should be sort of loose but not watery. Salt and pepper to taste. Serve immediately and with bread.
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