Monday, January 19, 2015

A Little Birthday Cake

With the holidays behind us, it seems we have fewer occasions to make festive confections. That's why when I had the opportunity to make a birthday cake this weekend, I jumped at the chance to try something new. No, that's not a guitar. It's a big black cake. A BBC, if you will. Turns out making a dick-shaped cake requires a little more planning than I had originally thought. After spending hours Pinteresting dick cakes, I decided just to wing it. Most of the instructions I saw required fondant, and I'd like to know who the hell has time for that?

What I wanted was a simplie-pimplie penis cake, that didn't require me to go out and buy a single-use cake mold. You can use two common pans and form it with a knife. Since the birthday boy is a big fan of the chocolate, I used boxed devil's food cake and store-bought chocolate frosting because it's easier, and I'm lazy. The size is the real star here. 

Step 1: Buy 2 boxed cake mixes. Follow instructions on box. Bake half in a loaf pan and the other half in a square pan. 

Step 2: Turn cakes out after baking and let cool five minutes before shaping.

Step 3: About 2/3 of the square cake will form the scrotum. The loaf pan will be used to form the long chocolate shaft and throbbing bulbous head.

Step 4: Cut about 2/3 of the rough top from the shaft, leaving a bit of the sponginess to form the tip. Frost over any mistakes.

With leftover store-bought frosting and a piping bag - add contrast, hair and other favorite features, such as bulging veins, foreskin and don't forget the meatus. Bone-apetite. 

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