A Little Pot (Pie) o' Gold

I give up on eating healthy. If it's never going to feel like beach season, I'm just gonna get as fat as I've always wanted. Hopefully it will lead to something great like an amazing career or diabetes. Since it's Pie Day, I figured it was an appropriate time to post this (even though I actually made these to eat while watching the Oscars stoned). This is not my first pot pie rodeo, I made pot pie once before, but it got everyone sick to their butts. This time around, I'm a little bit wiser.  This will also serve as my St. Patrick's Day recipe, since it contains potatoes and it's a pot of gold etc. That being said, I fucking hate St. Patrick's Day. It should just be renamed St. Fratboy's Day. The mere sight of Bros and Trixies wearing stupid green sport team shirts and ridiculous accessories boils my blood. Each seventeenth of March I go into a state of semi-hibernation, only leaving the house for Thin Mints and cat food. This year I've got a few pies to bake for a party, so fuck off everybody. 

Roasted Root Veggie Pot Pies

There's nothing sadder than a $.35 pot pie that sits freezer burning over the years, waiting for you to get just hungry enough to eat it. I made my own! As stated above, I made a pot pie once that caused everyone some digestive mayhem. This time around I opted not to use meat as I think the meat grease is what did people in. This was entirely off the cuff, and the fact that it materialized into anything is impressive. Since sweet potatoes were used in these, they were much sweeter than I expected - in the most delicious way. Some people make pot pies with a full double crust, but I like the look of just a pastry topper, plus it's easier. 

you will need the following: 

for pastry

3/4 c flour

1/2 stick butter

1/2 tsp salt 

garlic salt

herbs

1 tbsp shredded cheddar (opt.)

splash of cold water

for filling

1 small sweet potato (peeled and cubed)

3 carrots 

2 celery stalks

1/2 yellow onion

1/2 c flour

1/2 stick butter

3/4 c whole milk

3/4 c vegetable stock

fresh or dry thyme

salt & pepper

Step 1: Set oven to 375. Line a baking sheet with foil and dowse cubed sweet potatoes and carrots in olive oil, thyme, salt and pepper. Roast for about thirty minutes. 

Step 2: In the meantime, mix dry ingredients and cut in the butter. Using a pastry cutter or a large spoon work butter into flour mixture until crumbly. Add cold water one tablespoon at a time until desired consistency. Roll into a ball and chill for a few minutes. Roll out pastry and return to fridge until ready to use. 

Step 3: Melt half a stick of butter in a heavy-bottomed pot. Cook onion and celery in butter with lots of thyme until translucent. 

Step 4: Add half cup flour and heat for only a minute on very low heat. Slowly start adding the stock. Then add milk and begin whisking the mixture together. Add in roasted veggies. Use lots of salt and pepper, otherwise it's gonna taste very bland. 

Step 5: Pour mixture into pot pie dishes. Top with pastry. Brush with milk. Cut vent holes. Bake pies on a baking sheet for about 45 minutes. Allow to cool before serving. 

A Little St. Patrick's Day Treat

I'll be the first to say it, I'm a St. Patrick's Day Grinch. Something about adults forgetting that their college days are long behind them saddens me. I made the mistake of going downtown to do some shopping today and got swept up in the crowds of tourists hustling and bustling to see Chicago's famous green river. Just in case anyone was wondering, it turns green from a reaction with sewage. Despite all the green tu-tus and carnival hats, perhaps the most depressing thing I witnessed on the Red Line was a young woman decked out in her Sunday worsts, desperately slurping from a hole in the side of her Diet Coke can. I just wanted to take it and throw it away, baby it's a lost cause, no need to shotgun. After all that hullabaloo I decided to spend the rest of the day grocery shopping and baking.

Better Luck Next Year Crispy Squares 

There's nothing drunk people love more than rice crispy treats, so I made these with Lucky Charms instead. Inspired by my favorite local doughnut shop, I've been wanting to make something festive that somehow incorporated Lucky Charms. The best I could come up with were crispy squares, so easy I'm almost ashamed to take credit for it, but I will. These literally took five minutes. 

you will need the following 

1/2 stick butter

1/4 tsp vanilla

5.5 c Lucky Charms (ignore that I used generic)

5.5 c marshmallows

Step 1: Grease pyrex pan with butter. Melt butter in a large pot with vanilla. 

Step 2: Add marshmallows and melt with butter. Once melted, add cereal in small amounts. Remove from heat and mix thoroughly. 

Step 3: Push mixture into pyrex and press down with buttered hands. Allow to cool and then cut into squares. I made these a few hours ago and now they're gone. 

Crock Pot O' Gold Month (St. Patrick's Day Edition!)

Happy St. Patrick's Day loyal readers. You'll be happy to know that this issue of the blog has nothing to do with drinking, though it's certainly not discouraged. To me, St. Patrick's Day is one of those overrated faux holidays primarily observed by frat boys and their corresponding bimbos. (In Chicago, we call them Wrigleyvillians). Instead, we are celebrating our Irish heritage by eating potato soup and wearing green because it brings out my green eyes. In keeping with this month's theme of slow-cooker cooking, we'll be using that beautiful pot o' gold up there. Again, this theme was thought up before it got oddly warm. 

Potato Famine Soup

Okay fine, I'll admit it, I'm obsessed with rosemary. This soup was amazing, but the flour sort of got away from me so mine ended up more of a mush. I suggest when I say 1/4 c that you stick to it! Also I added a bump of celery salt, but that's just me.

3 Potatoes

4 carrots

1 white onion

2 cloves crushed garlic

1/2 stick butter

3 tbsp chopped fresh rosemary

1 c cream or whole milk

1/4 c flour

salt & pepper

1 c water

Step 1: Peel and dice carrots and potatoes and place in crock with water. 

Step 2: In a skillet, saute onion with rosemary, add garlic in last 3 minutes. 

Step 3: Add onions and garlic to crock with more fresh rosemary. Pour cream over and toss in butter. Salt and pepper to taste. Set to HI and simmer all day. 

Girl Scout Cookie Mini Mousse Pies

In addition to being St. Patty's Day, it's also Girl Scout cookie season! I make a bitchin' pie crust out of Thin Mints that is often better than the filling, except for this recipe. If you're like me you go through handmixers like Kleenex and endless whisking gives you tennis elbow, rendering mousse-making a pain in the ass. Great news! You can use your blender!

For Crust

1 sleeve Thin Mints (crushed to powder)

1/8th stick melted butter

1 tsp flour

For Mousse

1 c chocolate chips

1 c whipping cream

1 egg

1 tsp vanilla extract

Step 1: Preheat oven to 350. Mix cookie crumbs with flour. Pour melted butter into center of mixture and work into a paste with hands. Press into mini pies and bake for 7 minutes. 

Step 2: Begin making mousse by heating cream in a saucepan without boiling. While cream heats, use your blender to chop your chocolate with egg and vanilla. Once cream is piping hot, pour into blender and blend for 1 minute. Pour mixture over pie crusts. Chill 4-5 hours. 

Pot 'o Gold Recipe Box!

A recipe box is almost as important as writing down recipes. It's the perfect kitchen accessory other than a dishwasher. I had such a boring little index card holder until I found this little baby at a craft store. I decorated to my liking and now it's practically perfect! All I did was paint it and line it with left over shelf-paper. Voila! In an effort to be more green, I made dividers out of old food boxes. 

I'll leave you with my dad's favorite St. Patrick's Day joke: What's Irish and sits on your back porch? Patio Furniture...

Happy St. Patrick's Day!