Breaking Down a Pumpkin

In the days of the pilgrims, they must have had a lot more time on their hands to do shit like this. I'm guessing Indians didn't have to sublet their teepees. That's right. The Little Dinner Party is moving yet again, this time to a place with an actual kitchen and more than three chairs. Between showing my apartment to Loser A and Bad Credit B - I've barely had time to cook. You might say I'll be really thankful when this apartment is off my hands. 

I like pumpkin stuff, sue me. Over the years I've gone back and forth between buying the cheap can of pumpkin versus taking the time and effort to make my own. Now that I'm a busy-bee, I've been buying it canned. Does it taste different? I have no idea. One just makes you feel a bit more smug when people ask for your pumpkin pie recipe. 

Most people think the pumpkin in pie is from the goo inside. It's actually the shell, peeled and cooked. Not all pumpkins are good for this. Specifically a "pie" pumpkin is the one you should use. They are usually pretty cheap, but not as cheap as a can of pumpkin. One pie pumpkin makes about two and a half cups of puree, which can be used in any recipe. 

A Little Kitchen Shoe Cobbler

Salt Removal Act 

Son of a bitch if it didn't snow again last night. Here in the Midwest, we've finally learned to accept negative temperatures being the norm, and new cleverly named snowstorms everyday. My personal favorite, the Saskatchewan Screamer. All this weather makes it so the only shoes you can wear are boots. Why even invest in nice boots when they'll only get salt-cured after walking two blocks in slush. I've even gotten to resent my boots. Remember other shoes? Me neither. I tried to wear my favorite pair of vintage loafers on Valentine's Day, only to have them seemingly destroyed by the salt. There is nothing worse than salt-rimmed shoes. Good news though! You can use two kitchen basics to wash and condition your shoes! It actually works, unlike some at-home methods like coke bottle abortions. This trick will only work on finished leather. If you were dumb enough to buy suede shoes and wear them in snow or rain, it's your own fault they're ruined.

you will need the following 

Old salty shoes

1 tbsp white wine vinegar

1 cup cold water

vegetable oil

heavy duty paper towels

Step 1: Mix tablespoon vinegar with cup of cold water. Mix with a spoon. Dip cotton balls or paper towels in mixture and gently scrub salt off. The acid will break down the salt so you don't ruin the finish by over-scrubbing. 

Step 2: Leather is skin, and skin is what your body is covered in. When you feel dry in the winter, you put lotion on. Using paper towels, smear the shoes in vegetable oil. Vegetable oil is going to basically hydrate the leather that has been drying out under all that salt. The oil will keep the leather pliable so it's not as likely to pull away from the sole. A real live cobbler once taught me this trick. 

Step 3: You may want to repeat the oil step a few times. The leather will quickly absorb the oil. Now you just want to wait another six months until it's actually dry and clean enough out to wear these shoes again. 

A Little Come Back Cake

You may as well face it, everyone is gonna leave you someday. If you're lucky or a semi-skilled baker, you can convince people to return to you (even from beyond the grave). I'm a semi-skilled baker. As previously mentioned, my plus-one went to Africa. I channeled my petty jealousy into productive tasks like making welcome home banners and peanut butter cakes. He made the mistake of giving me a key to his apartment. I took that opportunity to break into his place, snoop through his stuff and decorate for his return. Why? Because I'm insane, and bored, but mostly insane. I made this cake in his kitchen. It's always interesting cooking in someone else's kitchen. BYO-Cooking Untensils. 

Peanut Butter Cake with Store Bought Icing

This is a peanut butter sheet cake. This cake can be lethal if fed to those with nut allergies. Use that information as you see fit. I came up with this last year around Valentine's Day for a Single & Fabulous? party I threw. It's worth being single for. I support store-bought frosting, I used dark chocolate for this bad boy. Ordinarily I bake all my cakes in the shape of a heart because the only cake pan I have is a heart. I invested in a new cake pan, only to burn the shit out of the bottom and sides of this guy. Cakes are a lot like bodily deformities, you can always cover up imperfections with more frosting. I think that should be embroidered onto a tea towel and overpriced on Etsy. 

you will need the following: 

1/4 c natural peanut butter

1 c water

1 stick butter 

1 c sugar 

1 c brown sugar

2 c flour 

2 eggs

1/2 c whole milk

1 tsp vanilla 

1 tsp soda

1 tsp salt 

1 can frosting of choice. 

Step 1: Oven to 325. Bring peanut butter, water and butter to a boil. Stir until smooth and thick. 

Step 2: Mix dry ingredients in a bowl with sugars. Flour cake pan. 

Step 3: Add flour mix to peanut butter mix. Stir in eggs and vanilla. Mix until smooth. Pour into a cake pan and bake 30 minutes.  *This cake can be made into a layer cake by splitting the batter between two cake pans.*

Once the cake has cooled and you've trimmed off all the blackened edges, get crazy with the frosting. I took the liberty of accenting with Reese Pieces, and then eating whatever Reeses Peices were leftover. 

A Little Thanksgiving Craft

As the holidays approach, you'll probably be spending a lot of time in the kitchen eating.  The best way to keep food off your clothes is a bib or an apron. An apron is a dignified bib for adults. I hardly use aprons, mostly because I didn't have one until recently. My friend brought me the tackiest/most fitting apron from Paris last week for my birthday. You can't have too many tacky aprons, and I had already slated this craft for November. I decided to follow through, which means someone's in for quite a gift this Christmas, not sure who the lucky one is just yet. 

Making an Apron

If you follow this blog, you'll know I'm a big fan of doing a kind of faux-hem on my sewing projects. It's really easy and it always looks crafty-chic, which is the best we can hope for. This fabric was on sale and I found it perfectly suited for the poultry pageant I'm planning this Thanksgiving. 

You will need the following: 

1 cubic yard decorative burlap

ribbon (2" thick)

thin yarn and thick needle

fabric chalk 

ruler

Step 1: Trace the perimeter of another apron onto your yard of fabric. 

Step 2: Cut an extra inch around your pattern (this will fold over and form the hem). Once cut, fold down the extra and iron. 

Step 3: With yarn and needle, lazy-stitch down your folds in long strides. 

Step 4: Adhere ribbons at the top and sides to form neck and waist straps. 

Ta-da. In just four simple steps you yourself can look this gay...