A Little Spineless Chicken Dinner

Brace yourself reader, this entry contains some graphic and arousing chicken dismemberment photos. Friends and lovers if you feel like you haven't seen me in awhile, it's because I'm a cold-weather recluse. Why go out when you have a cat and a dead chicken? This chicken literally saved my life. I was seconds away from using a Pizza Hut coupon until I accidentally read the yelp reviews for said Pizza Hut. Apparently everyone who used this coupon had a negative experience. Bummer. I was so looking forward to reliving those Book-It and Fat JJ memories. 

For most kids, the weekend was a time to have friends sleep over and eat delivery pizza. Since I was fat and gay, I didn't really have much of a social life.  When mom and dad went out, I turned to mom's dusty cookbooks for companionship. This relationship with weekend baking has continued into my adult years. Friday nights are best passed alone in your kitchen, only now I cry into a dirty martini instead of generic caffeine-free diet cola. 

Spatchcocked Chicken

There are few things in this world I love more than home-butchering. I discovered this method of flat-roasting a chicken via the Smitten Kitchen cookbook. It's unbelievably easy and makes for the best roasted chickens I've ever had. It's quick and easy, but also makes you seem like an amazing cook even though the oven does most if not all of the work. I used to make this once a week with my friend until we realized how sick eating half a chicken each made us feel. Now we only do it once a month. Chefs be warned, if cutting a chicken's backbone out with a pair of kitchen sheers makes you queazy, this is probably not the recipe for you. Personally, I have no problem with it, and I'll gladly come to your house and remove chicken bones from anywhere you put them. 

you will need the following: 

1 3-4lb chicken (dead, or alive if you like a challenge)

Fresh rosemary

garlic

olive oil

butter

salt & pepper

Step 1: Oven to 450. Turn clean chicken onto its breast and find the backbone. Starting at the tail, cut along the backbone with a pair of sturdy kitchen sheers all the way to the neck. Hearing the bones crack is natural and a good indication that you're doing it right. 

Step 2: Remove backbone, you may have to jimmy it out of there. Line the cavity with rosemary, garlic, olive oil and whatever spices you like. 

Step 3: Line a baking sheet with foil and sprinkle with olive oil and salt. Place chicken on sheet, breast side up. Cut slits in the skin and push butter beneath. Rub the chicken in a small amount of oil and sprinkle with more seasoning. 

Step 4: Roast at 450 for about an hour or until a thermometer reads 165. Allow to rest about ten minutes before slicing off limbs and flesh. It falls right off the bone. 

A Little Snowed-In Dinner

Unless you live under a rock, or have actually frozen to death, you know the Midwest is the North Pole right now. I wish I could say I've never had to wrap my cat in a dish towel to regulate his body temperature, but in the summer I didn't have air conditioning. That's one of the drawbacks to my otherwise amazing vintage Chicago apartment. Now that the tables have turned entirely, I'm barricading my drafts with blankets, wrapping the cat in towels and telling ghost stories around my space heater. The only thing to do in weather that restricts you to the four walls of your studio is make soup, and love, but mostly soup. I finally got a new food processor for Christmas as I accidentally broke my old one. I've been dying to make this since the first nip in the air, but it's virtually impossible without a blender or processor. I normally hate recipes that require extra kitchen gadgetry but I'll stand by this staple recipe. 

Broiled Tomato Soup Cups 

Folks, I won't lie to you. If this recipe looks familiar it's because it was featured on Smitten Kitchen, which is my culinary and spiritual bible. I don't publish recipes that are not mostly my own. I spun this one slightly different than she does by adding a little of this, and a little of that. In case Deb Perelman ever tries to sue me. I'd be so flattered. I make mine a little closer to the consistency of French Onion Soup than classic tomato soup. It's basically the same idea. 

You will need the following 

5 plum tomatoes sliced in half

2 tbsp olive oil 

2 garlic cloves 

2 c vegetable stock 

a pinch of dry thyme 

2 tbsp dry vermouth

a pinch of basil 

salt & pepper

2 tbsp grated red onion 

1/2 c shredded sharp cheddar

baguette slices 

a god damned food processor or blender

Step 1: Preheat oven to 400. Line a cookie sheet with foil and dowse tomatoes in oil, salt, pepper, and dry basil or whatever spices tickle your fancy. Wrap unpeeled garlic cloves in foil, put on same sheet. Roast 30-ish minutes. Enough that tomatoes fall apart. 

Step 2: Transfer roasted tomatoes to food processor. Take garlic from foil and squeeze into the processor cup. You will burn your hands during this process. I like to do this part by myself so as to swear in the privacy of my own kitchenette. 

Step 3: Puree tomatoes. I don't care for chunks. Toss the olive oil from the baking sheet in there too, why the hell not? While you puree, put stock, vermouth and additional spices into a pot. Combine tomato mush with stock and let simmer for like 30 minutes. It won't scour since it's more of a broth. Again, I suggest doing this ahead of time - the longer it sits the better it tastes. 

Step 4: The next day, or whenever, pour soup into individual bakers. Preheat oven to 400. Butter your baguette slices and toast those for a few minutes, careful not to burn them. Put baguette slices in soup cups, and top with grated onion and cheddar. Bake soups uncovered for 15 minutes. Eat immediately, expect the roof of your mouth to hate you. *Bake soups on a baking sheet because it will likely bubble over and make a mess*

It's mostly healthy. 

A Little Cookie Recipe

Movie Snack Cookies

Popcorn and M&Ms in a cookie might sound like the creation of a stoner with a wicked case of the munchies, but it's actually pretty good. I mostly stole this recipe from the Smitten Kitchen cookbook, which has been my bible for the past few months. After making these cookies a few times I decided they needed chocolate, so I added M&Ms. These babies are a great take-along for Movies-in-the-Park, plus it's always nice to take credit for how surprisingly delicious they are. My biggest suggestion is not to use microwave popcorn, because it's gross. 

You will need the following 

4 c popped popcorn (drizzled with butter)

1-1/4 c flour

1 stick butter

1/2 c brown sugar

1/3 c white sugar

1 egg

1/2 tsp vanilla

1/2 tsp baking soda

2 packs M&Ms

Step 1: Pop popcorn accordingly. Drizzle with butter and salt. Try to remove all the leftover kernels so nobody breaks a tooth. 

Step 2: Preheat oven to 350. Mix dry ingredients. Cream butter with sugars, vanilla and egg. Mix dry with wet. Add popcorn in small handfuls and finally M&Ms. 

Step 3: Scoop chilled dough with a tablespoon onto a parchment lined baking sheet. Bake 10-12 minutes. Allow cookies to cool 5 minutes on baking sheet.