A Little Religious Occasion Dinner

It's that time of year again. The time when birds start singing, flowers bloom out of the ground and then a big fucking snow storm comes through and ruins April. It's also the time of year people have vaguely religious dinner parties. The only temple I worship at is currently under federal investigation, so I can't say whether lasagna is traditional to any other religion than my appetite. Whether you're a spiritual person or not, someone will ask you to attend their vaguely religious dinner, be it Easter or Passover. Just last night I went to my first homosexual Seder. There are few things in this world I wouldn't do for good brisket including, but not limited to, murder. The best part of being in a Facebook relationship with a vegetarian is that I get to eat his portion of brisket. I know, you're all tired of reading my vegetarian recipes, but you can't imagine how sick I am of eating them. My rule for vegetarian cookery is that I'll never stoop to that vegan bullshit. I'm not even trying to hear about nutritional yeast. The key to making brisket-lovers enjoy a brisket-less dinner is giving people a dish worthy of a main course. That does not include salad or soup, unless it's lunch at Olive Garden and it's available in a never ending quantity.

A Little Chili Cook-Off

I use the phrase "cook-off" lightly here as I only made one kind of chili. This post has nothing to do with the god damned Super Bowl, unless we're talking about super sized bowls of slow-simmered soups. I keep hearing all about some giant snow storm that is about to hit Chicago, so far, not even so much as a flurry. Anyways, when the weather man starts talkin' crazy, I like to prepare myself for potential shut-in status. A crock-pot is an essential kitchen fixture for shut-ins and moms on a budget. I don't use mine as often as I should but ohhh baby when I do, the whole hall of my apartment building smells. I decided to go vegetarian on this one because I really liked the vegetarian chili at a cafe where I once waited tables. The cooks there put in all sorts of stuff like carrots and garbanzo beans. Carrots in chili? Now I've seen everything. Needless to say, I didn't put any in mine because carrots are a bitch to chop. 

Vegetarian Chili

Chilis are an inexact science, and since I like my food inedibly spicy, it's always a gamble. This one didn't wreck me, so I'll try to remember my method. It's best if you take all the seeds and fiber out of your jalapenos. Even if you think you can handle it, that shit has a way of sneaking up on you later. No bueno. Notice there are no beans in this, feel free to use them, not my style but you do you, girl. Also, the longer you let soups simmer, the better they taste. In fact, make it a day ahead and live off of it while confined to your wintery abode. Or invite friends over if you've got 'em. Ole. 

you will need the following: 

1 green bell pepper 

1 yellow or orange bell pepper

1 zucchini

2 jalapenos (hulled)

3 tomatoes 

1/2 white onion 

2-3 cloves garlic

16 oz tomato sauce

1 cup water 

1 can of corn 

2 tbsp chili powder

1 tbsp cumin

Salt & pepper

a dash of cinnamon

fresh cilantro (optional)

Step 1: Begin warming water and tomato sauce in your crock pot on high if you want to eat sooner, low if you want to eat later. While that's going on, chop stuff up. 

Step 2: In a skillet, heat onions, zucchini, and peppers in a little oil with spices. Once tender, add garlic and heat for an additional minute. 

Step 3: Throw everything in the crock pot and stir. Adjust spices and seasonings to suit your palate. *Keep in mind, things like peppers and chili powder slowly release their heat, so just because it's not immediately spicy doesn't mean it won't light your ass up when it's done.*

Step 4: Chili is all about the extras. I like to serve mine with some chopped onion, grated cheddar, and if I'm feelin' really Midwestern maybe some seasoned oyster crackers. 

A Little Snowed-In Dinner

Unless you live under a rock, or have actually frozen to death, you know the Midwest is the North Pole right now. I wish I could say I've never had to wrap my cat in a dish towel to regulate his body temperature, but in the summer I didn't have air conditioning. That's one of the drawbacks to my otherwise amazing vintage Chicago apartment. Now that the tables have turned entirely, I'm barricading my drafts with blankets, wrapping the cat in towels and telling ghost stories around my space heater. The only thing to do in weather that restricts you to the four walls of your studio is make soup, and love, but mostly soup. I finally got a new food processor for Christmas as I accidentally broke my old one. I've been dying to make this since the first nip in the air, but it's virtually impossible without a blender or processor. I normally hate recipes that require extra kitchen gadgetry but I'll stand by this staple recipe. 

Broiled Tomato Soup Cups 

Folks, I won't lie to you. If this recipe looks familiar it's because it was featured on Smitten Kitchen, which is my culinary and spiritual bible. I don't publish recipes that are not mostly my own. I spun this one slightly different than she does by adding a little of this, and a little of that. In case Deb Perelman ever tries to sue me. I'd be so flattered. I make mine a little closer to the consistency of French Onion Soup than classic tomato soup. It's basically the same idea. 

You will need the following 

5 plum tomatoes sliced in half

2 tbsp olive oil 

2 garlic cloves 

2 c vegetable stock 

a pinch of dry thyme 

2 tbsp dry vermouth

a pinch of basil 

salt & pepper

2 tbsp grated red onion 

1/2 c shredded sharp cheddar

baguette slices 

a god damned food processor or blender

Step 1: Preheat oven to 400. Line a cookie sheet with foil and dowse tomatoes in oil, salt, pepper, and dry basil or whatever spices tickle your fancy. Wrap unpeeled garlic cloves in foil, put on same sheet. Roast 30-ish minutes. Enough that tomatoes fall apart. 

Step 2: Transfer roasted tomatoes to food processor. Take garlic from foil and squeeze into the processor cup. You will burn your hands during this process. I like to do this part by myself so as to swear in the privacy of my own kitchenette. 

Step 3: Puree tomatoes. I don't care for chunks. Toss the olive oil from the baking sheet in there too, why the hell not? While you puree, put stock, vermouth and additional spices into a pot. Combine tomato mush with stock and let simmer for like 30 minutes. It won't scour since it's more of a broth. Again, I suggest doing this ahead of time - the longer it sits the better it tastes. 

Step 4: The next day, or whenever, pour soup into individual bakers. Preheat oven to 400. Butter your baguette slices and toast those for a few minutes, careful not to burn them. Put baguette slices in soup cups, and top with grated onion and cheddar. Bake soups uncovered for 15 minutes. Eat immediately, expect the roof of your mouth to hate you. *Bake soups on a baking sheet because it will likely bubble over and make a mess*

It's mostly healthy.