The Last Supper

I get asked all the time by friends and former lovers, "why the hell haven't I been invited to one of your fancy dinner parties?" The answer is, probably because I don't like you that much and the idea of entertaining you in my house for an indefinite amount of time seems like torture. If I am fond of you, be patient - I'm probably just waiting for the right mix of people in which to include you and your spouse or mistress. Sure, it's easy to throw a dinner party together, but the nuances are what will set your soiree apart from one of those awful evenings of diminishing returns and uncomfortable racial tension. A logical guest list is imperative. You also have to consider significant others and plus-ones. There's nothing worse than a lopsided couple - you know, when you really like one member of a duo but the other one is the absolute worst....Unfortunately you have to extend the invitation to both in order to maintain healthy relationships. If you know your pal's plus-one is a total drip...balance out the guest list with one of your more out-of-control friends, so the undesirable guest(s) fade into the background. And keep everyone's cup full of booze. Except your own - drink like a pregnant woman: seltzer and lime wedges, at least until the food is served. 

My friends who have had the pleasure of dining chez Toulouse, are always saying, "is this going to be on the blog?!" Usually no. I've only got two hands and one of them is holding a martini while the other is trying not to get burned on a hot dish. I'm trying a new thing where I force my guests to take pictures and post them to their social media of choice. That way, my parties always look like lots of fun and people look forward to invites rather than dread them. This time around, I did a little documentation and luckily all these recipes have been previously featured on The Little Dinner Party.

A Little Sunday Supper

Ordinarily I hate the word supper, but given what I made today, the term fits. I went on a date with a really trashy guy in high school once who said supper and the term has irked me ever since. Speaking of dates, the last date I went on was at a trendy barbecue place in Wicker Park, which unfortunately burned to a crisp last week. I take it as a sign. After going to a Tennessee Williams play tonight, I found myself in the mood for some southern cuisine, and I guess since my BBQ place burned down, I'll have to make it myself. It's also still mostly winter here despite that it's technically spring, alas crock-pot season continues. The nice thing about this recipe is you end up with enough pulled chicken to last a week. No spinster's kitchen is complete without a week's worth of leftovers...or a crock-pot for that matter..

White Trash Sundee Barbecue

you will need the following

3-4 chicken breasts

1 onion (diced)

1 mason jar BBQ sauce of choice

paprika

garlic salt

salt & pepper

Step 1: Tenderize and season chicken with garlic salt, paprika, salt & pepper. Place chicken in crock with a little water. 

Step 2: Toss in onion and smother with BBQ sauce. You can't put too much sauce in there, nobody's going to complain. Some people put a can of coke in too. I didn't, but knock yourself out if you're feeling adventurous. Cook eight hours on low. 

Step 4: After eight hours, all you'll need to do is stab at your breasts with a wooden spoon and they should fall apart. After the ol' stab 'n stir, pile high upon buns with mustard and pickles. Supper is served. 

Twelve Oaks BBQ Chicken

Broiled BBQ Chicken Breasts

I just finished my summerly reading of Gone with the Wind and it left me with a hankering for some BBQ. I live on the twenty-third floor of a building that has no balconies or roof-top, so grilling is simply out of the question. Good news city slickers! You only need a broiling pan and a working stove, both are hot commodities for urban renters.  This is a pretty cheap and easy meal for just one or more...if you're so lucky. My advice is not to cheap out on the chicken, the better the cut, the better the texture. 

You will need the following: 

Chicken breasts (plucked of their feathers)

Juice of a lemon

paprika

pepper

red onion slices 

BBQ sauce of your choice

Step 1: Pound that bird meat 'til she's nice and tender. Dowse tenderized cutlets in lemon juice. 

Step 2: Set your oven to broil HI. Slice up some onions and lay each cutlet atop a ring of onions on your broiling pan. Sprinkle your chicken with paprika and ground pepper. (Salt will draw out moisture). Garnish with more onion slices (these will caramelize deliciously).

Step 3: Broil on the top rack for 17 minutes or so. Then coat with BBQ sauce and return to the oven for another 3-4 minutes. 

Serve immediately and with lots of extra sauce. 

"Oh, Ashley."