A Spooky Little Appetizer

Well doesn't that just look like a pile of freshly raked autumn leaves? Even though the foliage is dying, fall is all about new beginnings. I just quit my terrible job and started two new ones. With my paid week off between gigs, I hosted a "house party" for the first time. This was mostly by accident. It only takes one failed party to scare even the best hostess. I've had the misfortune of a party in which nobody showed up...so for my second annual Halloween party, I over-invited people. My plus-one and I live in a pretty small place. Assuming that nobody was coming, we extended the invite to pretty much everyone we knew: old flames, dentists, doormen etc. People I thought would definitely come didn't, and people I thought wouldn't come ended up showing. So it just goes to prove - never underestimate how many people will eat your free food. We also allowed hop-on guests...which resulted in some hot gays commandeering my kitchen. In my fantasy, I would be pulling hot hors d'oeuvres from the oven all night. Instead, I ended up with a fridge full of butternut squash bruschetta. That's okay though because I got to eat it all myself without judgement from hot gays.

The Last Supper

I get asked all the time by friends and former lovers, "why the hell haven't I been invited to one of your fancy dinner parties?" The answer is, probably because I don't like you that much and the idea of entertaining you in my house for an indefinite amount of time seems like torture. If I am fond of you, be patient - I'm probably just waiting for the right mix of people in which to include you and your spouse or mistress. Sure, it's easy to throw a dinner party together, but the nuances are what will set your soiree apart from one of those awful evenings of diminishing returns and uncomfortable racial tension. A logical guest list is imperative. You also have to consider significant others and plus-ones. There's nothing worse than a lopsided couple - you know, when you really like one member of a duo but the other one is the absolute worst....Unfortunately you have to extend the invitation to both in order to maintain healthy relationships. If you know your pal's plus-one is a total drip...balance out the guest list with one of your more out-of-control friends, so the undesirable guest(s) fade into the background. And keep everyone's cup full of booze. Except your own - drink like a pregnant woman: seltzer and lime wedges, at least until the food is served. 

My friends who have had the pleasure of dining chez Toulouse, are always saying, "is this going to be on the blog?!" Usually no. I've only got two hands and one of them is holding a martini while the other is trying not to get burned on a hot dish. I'm trying a new thing where I force my guests to take pictures and post them to their social media of choice. That way, my parties always look like lots of fun and people look forward to invites rather than dread them. This time around, I did a little documentation and luckily all these recipes have been previously featured on The Little Dinner Party.

A Little Appetizer Sampler

Nope, you're not at an Applebee's, and nope this shit ain't half-off. While I do have an ice-skate and Wizard of Oz memorabilia on my walls, I'd hope my apartment isn't as depressing as a chain restaurant built in the parking lot of a Smalltown, USA mall. If you're thinking this is gonna be some kind of tutorial on how to deep fry a string cheese, I'm sorry to disappoint you. That's coming later in the week. If you need to know one thing about me, other than my third nipple, it's that I love to picnic. If I could eat every meal outside I would. Maybe it's because my shitbox apartment lacks air conditioning. In any case, I've decided I'm tired of wasting my money on pre-packaged goods when I can just as easily make them myself. Plus, it gives me a cheap thrill to get compliments on my homemade goodies. If you know how to can stuff, the following recipes will make excellent pantry staples or gifts around the holidays, ya cheap bastard. I don't know how to seal the jars and after enough failed attempts, I give up. Besides, none of this stuff ever lasts long enough to require preserving them in mason jars and magic.