A Little Summer Night

After riding my bike home from work, I'm usually melting into a puddle of filth and attitude. During a summer heatwave, the last thing anyone wants to do is live without air conditioning or slave over a hot stove. For this, there are what I call "Lazy Mom" dinners: light dinner items that require little to no effort. When I was a kid, my mom was a proud SAHM (Stay At Home Mom). It was the 90s, we didn't know better. My family spent nearly every summer day at a rundown swim club called Crestwood. Woo! Go Cobras! The microcosm of a summer swim club must be exhausting, because after a long day of sunning herself with half a dozen other SAHMS, my mom was beat. 

Never one to serve salad that didn't come pre-mixed in a plastic bag, instead my mom made magical things like Bacon Lettuce Tomato sandwiches, usually sans lettuce. As sad as microwaved bacon on a special tray made for the microwaving of bacon sounds, it really is the taste of summer to me. I swear we weren't 4H kids, but my dad used to help us plant a vegetable garden in the backyard every year. We always had tons of fresh tomatoes. Makes the $.99 per lb roma tomatoes at Jewel look abysmal. 

When your boyfriend is vegetarian it kinda takes the air out of a BLT, ya know? Vaginatarian bacon has a reputation for sucking, so I never bothered. I crowdsourced the best one to try because I refuse to let his dietary restriction come between me and my dreams. Turns out Morning Star is the good one if you must. It crisps and with the help of food paint looks just like fake bacon. 

A Little Warm Up

There comes a point in every relationship when you learn what kind of pornography the other is into. Apropos of nothing, my plus-one recently revealed a new video he enjoys starring a man named Stu. My initial thought was there's no way anyone that good looking is actually named "Stu." My second thought was of all the porno names you could choose, Stu is pretty solid because it reminds me of things that are hot and beefy. Well done Stu. This one's for you!

I got this enameled cast iron beauty for Christmas exclusively for the purpose of braising meats. The last one I had was a thrift store find which unfortunately didn't live very long. This bad boy cost a pretty penny which is why it was a gift from my parents. I know they're technically called "dutch ovens" but I just can't say it without thinking of the practice that single-handedly ruined my parents' marriage. As far as I'm concerned, no kitchen is complete without this $200 cooking vessel.

A Little Bastille Day Brunch

We had our blow-em-up day, now the French will have theirs. True, our independence wasn't based on cutting the heads off nobles, but it should have been. I usually forget Bastille Day and I think, merde, I forgot Bastille Day again. This year, I remembered it and baked a beautiful quiche pour un. If the apron doesn't say Francophile or spinster, I don't know what does. It comes courtesy of a friend of mine who visited Paris last fall. I remember really wanting it when I was in Paris, but too ashamed to buy it for myself. 

"Aidez-Moi, Je suis Pauvre"...Quiche Lorraine

I had the best quiche lorraine in Paris shortly after my traveling companion puked into the Seine. It's a lovely memory. Some recipes will try to tell you that you need a special quiche pan. I'm not even trying to hear that. I've never seen this so-called "quiche pan." Quiches are great because you can basically clean out your fridge, bake it with some eggs and voila! Quiche. I actually used a traditional recipe here because it's France day! Quiche is also tres cheap especially when you use Swiss instead of gruyere, and French people were poor during the revolution...

You will need the following

For the crust..

1-1/4 c flour 

1 stick butter

1 tsp salt

1 tsp garlic salt

pepper & dry thyme 

for the filling..

5 eggs

2 c whole milk

3 strips cooked bacon

1 c shredded Swiss cheese

1/2 sliced sweet onion

2 tsp dried thyme

Salt & pepper

dash of paprika 

Step 1: Make a savory pie crust by combining dry ingredients and cold butter cut into coarse crumbs. Add 3-4 tablespoons ice water and roll out. Chill dough while making filling. *Add some shredded cheese to the crust if you want. 

Step 3: Preheat oven to 425. Grate cheese, slice onions, cook and crumble bacon, set aside. Whisk together milk, eggs and seasonings in a mixing bowl. Press pastry into dish and bake ten minutes. 

Step 4: Reduce oven to 325. Layer lightly browned pastry with bacon, onion, cheese and thyme. Pour egg mix over and bake one hour or until solid. Allow to cool completely before serving.

*I used a pie bird to keep the filling from bubbling over.

Vive la France!

A Little Dinner Date

One of my favorite things about seeing someone new, other than false expectations, is having them over for dinner. When you live in a small apartment, there's a lot to consider. I personally believe that every move you make is likely being judged, so keep that in mind. Whenever a guy invites me over for dinner, a part of me fears he'll try to pass off pasta and Ragu as cooking, so I try to go above and beyond to quell any apprehensions. I made this bastardized French dish in a Crock Pot to seem less pretentious. The trick to romantic cooking, like cleaning, is making it seem effortless.

Dinner Date Do's:

*Make a playlist, otherwise you run the risk of that Garth Brooks song you keep on your iPod ironically, coming up on shuffle.

*Set the table and use a tablecloth if you've got one.

*Remove all incriminating/embarrassing medications and ointments from your medicine cabinet, you never know who likes to snoop...

*Scoop the litter box.

*Wash the last boy off your sheets and have plenty of fresh linens on hand.

*Have scented candles, because your house will probably smell like wine and garlic.

Crock au Vin 

You will need the following: 

3 chicken breasts

3 slices of bacon 

1/4-1/2 lb fresh mushrooms

1 carrot (sliced thin)

1 yellow onion (quartered)

2-3 cloves garlic

3/4 c red wine

1 c beef stock

fresh thyme

1 bay leaf

salt & pepper

Step 1: Tenderize and flour chicken cutlets. Cook bacon in a skillet. Set aside and discard fat.

*I use butcher's bacon, it tastes better. 

Step 2: Brown chicken on all sides (about three minutes). Remove chicken and set aside. Sautee onions, carrots and mushrooms in butter for about three minutes.

Step 3: Line crock with veggies, garlic, bay leaf and chopped bacon. Top with chicken. Pour wine and stock over chicken and garnish with fresh thyme. Salt and pepper to taste. Cover and let simmer on high 3-4 hours. Add additional fresh thyme ten minutes prior to serving.

I won't tell you about how rest of the date went, but dinner was a success. For dessert I made my signature apple pie, it made for a great breakfast too. 

A Little Pumpkin Pasta Dish

Pumpkin-Bacon Pasta

I've been dreaming of this for like a week. I took a recipe from Martha Stewart and changed it up. Don't get me wrong, I worship at the church of Martha, but most of her recipes tend to need a little tweaking. The bacon was my idea, and what a good idea it was. I took some notes from her user comments, some of her users are pretty bitchy, housewives can be brutal. Anywho, this dish was great and ever so cheap, but when I say use salt, I couldn't be more serious. Pumpkin is really dense so it takes a lot of salt to season it. 

You will need the following: 

1 box of penne pasta

1 tbsp coarsely chopped sage

1.5 c pumpkin puree

1 clove garlic (minced)

1/2 c half n half

4-5 slices of thick bacon

1/4 tsp pie spice

1/4 tsp red pepper flakes

SALT & pepper

1.) Boil pasta, save one cup pasta water. Drain and set aside. 

2.) In empty pasta pot, fry bacon until mostly done. Then add in sage and fry 1-2 minutes. 

3.) Mix pumpkin puree and pie spice. Toss pumpkin into pot and heat lightly. 

4.) Add pasta water and garlic. Continue to lightly heat. 

5.) Pour in half-n-half. Stir and heat only until sauce is warm. Season with pepper flakes and salt. 

6.) Once sauce is mixed and warm, remove from heat and mix in pasta. Toss thoroughly and serve. 

Great for a group!