Friday, April 18, 2014

A Little Basket Stuffer, Again.

Anyone who says they don't like their holidays secular is a goddamned liar. I'm not entirely sure what the point of Easter is, but suffice it to say it has something to do with a bunny named Jesus. Honestly, as a whole we could really be exploiting this Easter thing for a lot more than we are. We could have Easter carols and Easter TV specials and best of all, MATERIAL GIFTS, baby. Some of this is already happening, but not at the rate corporations could possibly be profiting. Who wants to help me bring Easter back? This blog entry might be a small contribution, but even Santa Clause had to start somewhere. I think some people still dye eggs, but that seems like a terrible waste of time in my opinion. Maybe Easter doesn't come from a store, maybe Easter is about something a little bit more. Baked goods and baskets of shit. 

Oatmeal Cream Pies (from scratch)

Get your mind out of the gutter, this ain't that kinda cream pie. My plus-one and I recently exchanged moderately depressing stories about our connection to the iconic Little Debbie Oatmeal Cream Pie. He used to shake out couch cushions so he could ride his bike to the "Chinky Market" and buy his feelings in cookies. My dad used to include an extra quarter in our lunch money on fridays so we could get a little treat. We're both former fatties, to say the least. A friend of mine is a baker for Bake Chicago and they make these a lot better than I did. I took two recipes from my favorite cookbook and sandwiched them together. Little Debbie ain't got shit on me. 

you will need the following

for cookies
1 stick of butter
1/2 c brown sugar
1/4 c white sugar 
1 egg
1/2 tsp vanilla 
3/4 c flour
1 1/2 c oatmeal 
1/2 tsp cinnamon 
1/2 tsp soda
1/2 tsp salt 

for cream 
2 c powdered sugar 
1/2 stick soft butter
1 tsp vanilla 
2 tbsp whole milk 

Step 1: Preheat oven to 375. Start cookies by creaming together butter, sugars, eggs and vanilla. Mix dry ingredients in another bowl. Then combine them. Roll into a large ball and chill. Then ball into 1 inch cookies, press down and put in oven. Bake cookies about 10 minutes or until golden. 

Step 2: While cookies come to a complete cool, mix butter, sugar, vanilla and milk in a bowl. Really whisk the shit out of it, you want your frosting as light as air. Get that rage out baby, get it out. 

Step 3: Put as much frosting on the bottom of a cookie as possible. Stick another cookie on that and press together. Do until out of cookies. Let them sit a few minutes so the frosting dries. 

Optional Step: Assemble into useless boxes that people will feel bad throwing away, but probably will after a few months of seeing it on their desk. 

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