A Little Fish 'n Chips

Friday nights chez Toulouse are exactly like a Catholic church charity event: fish, booze, gambling and nicotine-stained walls. I'm leery when it comes to fish. Something about the way it smells. It's really no scarier than chicken or beef, just more expensive and easier to screw up.  In my younger and poorer days, (when I shared a small one-bedroom apartment with a college friend) I made this dish to impress a date. Somehow neither of us died, but 4 years later the relationship did. For some reason salmon seems fancy, but only because it's expensive. If it's not expensive, stay away because god only knows where it came from. Salmon says to the world that you are health conscious with disposable income. I typically don't go for salmon, but when I do - I only cook it one way because variety is the spice of life. This is so easy you don't even have to stop drinking to make it.

Salmon pairs well with white wine, and beer, and red wine, and gin, and vodka and nail polish remover or whatever else you have under the sink.

A Little Basket Stuffer, Again.

Anyone who says they don't like their holidays secular is a goddamned liar. I'm not entirely sure what the point of Easter is, but suffice it to say it has something to do with a bunny named Jesus. Honestly, as a whole we could really be exploiting this Easter thing for a lot more than we are. We could have Easter carols and Easter TV specials and best of all, MATERIAL GIFTS, baby. Some of this is already happening, but not at the rate corporations could possibly be profiting. Who wants to help me bring Easter back? This blog entry might be a small contribution, but even Santa Clause had to start somewhere. I think some people still dye eggs, but that seems like a terrible waste of time in my opinion. Maybe Easter doesn't come from a store, maybe Easter is about something a little bit more. Baked goods and baskets of shit. 

Oatmeal Cream Pies (from scratch)

Get your mind out of the gutter, this ain't that kinda cream pie. My plus-one and I recently exchanged moderately depressing stories about our connection to the iconic Little Debbie Oatmeal Cream Pie. He used to shake out couch cushions so he could ride his bike to the "Chinky Market" and buy his feelings in cookies. My dad used to include an extra quarter in our lunch money on fridays so we could get a little treat. We're both former fatties, to say the least. A friend of mine is a baker for Bake Chicago and they make these a lot better than I did. I took two recipes from my favorite cookbook and sandwiched them together. Little Debbie ain't got shit on me. 

A Little Religious Occasion Dinner

It's that time of year again. The time when birds start singing, flowers bloom out of the ground and then a big fucking snow storm comes through and ruins April. It's also the time of year people have vaguely religious dinner parties. The only temple I worship at is currently under federal investigation, so I can't say whether lasagna is traditional to any other religion than my appetite. Whether you're a spiritual person or not, someone will ask you to attend their vaguely religious dinner, be it Easter or Passover. Just last night I went to my first homosexual Seder. There are few things in this world I wouldn't do for good brisket including, but not limited to, murder. The best part of being in a Facebook relationship with a vegetarian is that I get to eat his portion of brisket. I know, you're all tired of reading my vegetarian recipes, but you can't imagine how sick I am of eating them. My rule for vegetarian cookery is that I'll never stoop to that vegan bullshit. I'm not even trying to hear about nutritional yeast. The key to making brisket-lovers enjoy a brisket-less dinner is giving people a dish worthy of a main course. That does not include salad or soup, unless it's lunch at Olive Garden and it's available in a never ending quantity.

A Little Spring Chicken Dinner

Eat-In Chicken

It's been awhile since my last update, but I've been busy, sort of. Living alone is not always conducive to cooking extravagant dinners, though when the mood strikes me I can be very good to myself. This week I decided to take some nights off from social engagements and cook a bunch, or at the very least cook and photograph enough stuff to keep me in content for awhile. I'd like to think I made this chicken for a romantic apartment date, but unless the cat counts as a date, that didn't happen. Another great thing about living alone (besides not wearing pants) is when you make a chicken you have so much left over and the possibilities are endless. I've tried really hard to master the art of roasting a chicken, I think I've got it down, this one I did practically off the cuff. 

you will need the following: 

1 (5lb) spring chicken 

1 lb fingerling potatoes 

1 zucchini (sliced)

1 red onion (quartered)

4 cloves garlic 

2 tbsp butter

olive oil

1 bunch fresh sage

1/2 tsp dried thyme

1/2 tsp dried oregano

salt & pepper

Step 1: Preheat oven to 375. Clean off chicken in the sink, and pull the goodie bag out of its cavity. Rinse and pat dry. In a small dish mix butter, a little sage, and dried herbs.

Step 2: Stuff half of onion and a handful of sage into the cavity. Truss the chicken with kitchen twine if you wish. Cut slits all over the chicken's skin and push herb butter beneath. Rub bird with olive oil and salt & pepper. Roast on a bed of potatoes, onion and zucchini. Dowse with olive oil, herbs and salt & pepper. 

Step 3: Cover roasting pan with foil. Cook for twenty minutes per pound, plus an additional twenty minutes. Remove foil and add garlic cloves in the final forty minutes. Chicken is done when a thermometer reads 160. Let bird rest for twenty minutes before untrussing and carving. 

Step 5: Optional Make gravy by removing veggies from pan and skimming top layer of fat off the drippings. Transfer drippings to a sauce pan and heat with 1/2 c stock. Slowly add two tablespoons flour. Stir until thickened. 

Serve with roasted potatoes