A Little Religious Occasion Dinner

It's that time of year again. The time when birds start singing, flowers bloom out of the ground and then a big fucking snow storm comes through and ruins April. It's also the time of year people have vaguely religious dinner parties. The only temple I worship at is currently under federal investigation, so I can't say whether lasagna is traditional to any other religion than my appetite. Whether you're a spiritual person or not, someone will ask you to attend their vaguely religious dinner, be it Easter or Passover. Just last night I went to my first homosexual Seder. There are few things in this world I wouldn't do for good brisket including, but not limited to, murder. The best part of being in a Facebook relationship with a vegetarian is that I get to eat his portion of brisket. I know, you're all tired of reading my vegetarian recipes, but you can't imagine how sick I am of eating them. My rule for vegetarian cookery is that I'll never stoop to that vegan bullshit. I'm not even trying to hear about nutritional yeast. The key to making brisket-lovers enjoy a brisket-less dinner is giving people a dish worthy of a main course. That does not include salad or soup, unless it's lunch at Olive Garden and it's available in a never ending quantity.

A Little Cross-Over Dinner

With the NSA leaks, Target data breaches, and Heartbleed, it's about time someone hacked into "The Little Dinner Party." This special hacked edition brings things down a notch to a simple, vegetarian staple: salad. Also known as vegetarian cereal, a salad is a bunch of veggies tossed with a tasty dressing and forked into your mouth. A popular choice for first dates, business lunches, and rabbits, salads are a healthy, hearty way to say "Hey, maybe we should start going to the gym."

Egg & Avacado Salad

A woman once said all the ingredients in a salad should be able to fit in a single bite. This was a woman who enjoyed boring salads. This Egg & Avacado Salad is a healthy, protein-packed way to spend your dinner.

you will need the following

1 head of iceberg lettuce

4 eggs

1 avacado

2 green peppers

1 bag of cheddar cheese

1 bucket of ranch (store-bought, like God intended)

Step 1: Chop your lettuce.

Step 2: Chop your green peppers. Slices of quarter-inch cubes – go wild.

Step 3: Bring a pot of water to a rolling boil. Waterboard the eggs (the "security" theme continues…) for at least 8 minutes or you'll have a soft boil. Or salmonella.

Step 4: Chop your tomatoes.

Step 5: Half your avacodo, scoop the good stuff, and dice it.

Step 6: Combine all the veggies, along with a healthy portion of shredded cheese in a bowl.

Step 7: Drown your veggies in ranch dressing, toss, and servce. You're done!

Step 8: Your boyfriend comes home and lets you know it needs green onions, some crushed up tortilla chips, and pepper.

P.S. No intruder's supper is complete without a seasonal treat from a corporate chain. These Dunkin Donuts™ Peeps™ donuts taste just like momma used to buy.