Nope, you're not at an Applebee's, and nope this shit ain't half-off. While I do have an ice-skate and Wizard of Oz memorabilia on my walls, I'd hope my apartment isn't as depressing as a chain restaurant built in the parking lot of a Smalltown, USA mall. If you're thinking this is gonna be some kind of tutorial on how to deep fry a string cheese, I'm sorry to disappoint you. That's coming later in the week. If you need to know one thing about me, other than my third nipple, it's that I love to picnic. If I could eat every meal outside I would. Maybe it's because my shitbox apartment lacks air conditioning. In any case, I've decided I'm tired of wasting my money on pre-packaged goods when I can just as easily make them myself. Plus, it gives me a cheap thrill to get compliments on my homemade goodies. If you know how to can stuff, the following recipes will make excellent pantry staples or gifts around the holidays, ya cheap bastard. I don't know how to seal the jars and after enough failed attempts, I give up. Besides, none of this stuff ever lasts long enough to require preserving them in mason jars and magic.
